I was very upset by an article I read this morning in a blog. It’s an old blog from about 4 years ago and it was in the form of a “Letter to the First Wife” in which the writer gives out precious (NOT! 😬😬) advice to any woman whose husband decides to take for himself a second wife. Surprisingly, but mostly sadly- the article was written by a woman. However, after my recent experience in which I painfully discovered up close and personal how pathetically biased my society is to men, I no longer find it strange that a woman advises other women of dutifully accepting their husband taking a second wife. She even goes on to explain that men do it because of having a different nature than women, probably she meant biologically?🤔 oh yes! And also because of his love for control and bearing responsibilities (Those things we barely understand as women because of course we have a different Nature!) Hmmmm…And she continues to explain to the poor first wife that it’s best not to think of it as a betrayal of the first marriage because the Muslim Sharia permits polygamy, so taking a second wife cannot be considered as a betrayal..how so? She compares the love of the husband to his wives to the love of a mother to her children, does it become less if the mother had another child? Or she ends up loving them all equally!!?

Wow!! That’s brilliant! It never occurred to me to think of it this way… but is she talking SERIOUSLY!??? It’s kind of funny that i want to laugh but utterly pathetic to read. Im a Muslim woman and Im proud of it, but Islam is being twisted in a sad way. Our religion respects women and in the referral to polygamy it’s clearly stated that it’s restricted to very specific conditions that aren’t easily met by a man. That’s how it is, but our society being dominated by men, chose to give them freely this right and even goes on to ask of the wife to accept sharing her husband willingly.. It infuriates me!

Such beliefs and ideas are deeply rooted in my culture and passed from generation to generation hundreds of years ago as the norm so that they became deeply engraved in the minds of the women of my culture, and that is what im trying to put a light on and maybe hope to change even a little for the sake of my daughter and future women to have freedom of choice and expression and to believe they are humans entitled to all rights of equality and right to choose her path to happiness and the right to not be afraid to say it out loud!!

A few points i want to mention,

-First, the relationship of a mother to her children and having more than one child DOES NOT have any common grounds of comparison to a man having more than one wife! Least to say is that it’s an illogical comparison. A Mother’s love for her children is nothing like the love of between a husband and wife that is based on exclusivity and the feeling that we are everything in the life of our loved one. No one goes into a marriage on basis of sharing their spouse’s love with another. So when a man decides to marry another, although the Sharia allows him to, yet IT IS a betrayal of his vows to his wife and this is the Truth!! Let no one try to beautify it or present it under a different name like doing good to prevent spinsterhood or help the second woman who is also in need of a man to share her life and have children with! This is really a funny thing, let her go find a single man to marry!

Second, if it happens and the esteemed husband wanted a second wife, it is his duty to inform the first wife and respect her decision. She had chosen to come into this marriage and share her life with a man who loved her and promised to be faithful to her and only she can decide if she is willing and able to complete the journey with him after he had chosen to introduce a second woman into his life and the marriage that was built on the grounds that she was the only one sitting on the throne of his heart.

Here, the decision is exclusive to the wife ONLY if she could or could not complete her life with this man and what is best for her and her children. But to burden her with advice of staying and accepting a situation which is emotionally sickening her for the general well-being of the family is unhealthy and unacceptable.

Im not advocating divorce, it’s a very unpleasant thing and i wish it on no one, i just believe that the overload of pressure by family and society on a woman to stay in a situation that is damaging to her just so she can appease them and stay with her kids is an injustice she doesn’t have to take! Put ur high heels on and leave! Love yourself so you can be a good mom to ur kids. A happy divorced mother is way better than a depressed unhappy but married one:)