So yep.. It’s a lesson i have learned from personal experience and gosh It’s so true.

I have this friend who’s really a special person and to whom I dedicate this blog post. She’s an admirably strong woman who’s been through a lot and still aims to better herself as a person.

We had been very close friends over 14 years ago, at that stage we were at university majoring in Pharmacy. We studied together, saw each other almost on daily basis, and yayyy we graduated together! We were both married with kids and, u know, busy with life and kids’ responsibilities and searching for jobs. During that time, she learned by chance of her husband’s affair. Needless to say about the heartache, pain and feelings of betrayal. It was devastating for her to see her whole world falling apart just like that. And that must have been the worst part of her life. Her 2 kids were around 9 and 6 and she was the kind of mom who’d rush to school to get her daughter the fruits needed in her diet.

I still remember days when we would go out with our kids to the mall and then she’d have to return hers in tears back to their dad.

Many times we would sit and talk and try to figure out things. She’d tell me she had no support from her family whatsoever and that her mom and dad wouldn’t help her through the divorce. They wanted her to give up the kids and let the dad have them.

Oh yes, in my society and culture there’s no dividing assets upon divorce, funny isn’t it? The woman gets nothing, she could have spent tens of years of her life helping in building the family, raising kids, cooking and taking care of everyday needs of everyone- but when divorce happens, she could be kicked out with NOTHING! Yes, ZERO! And it sucks! Husband isn’t obligated to pay for a place for her to stay even when she is getting the kids. The money she gets for kids is negligible and not really based on the financial capability of the father nor based on our today’s living standards. So in essence the woman- who has no financial Indepandance and a job to sustain her- can suddenly find herself penniless on the street. This is the ugly truth. The truth I didn’t completely understand at that time.

I couldn’t understand why she finally decided to give up her kids even though at their age the mom can have custody. They needed their mom, so what the heck was she doing giving them up to the dad!!

She was working at a basic job at that time , not one that could support her let alone 2 kids with her. She had no where to live except at her parents’ house. And i was furious at her mom and dad forcing her to give up the children! How selfish and cruel was that!

I had argued with her and disagreed with her decision. I believed she was wrong in leaving, a Mom should never give up on her kids no matter. I never ever knew or even came close to understanding how our society and paired with selfish unsupportive family members could lead you to give up your rights as a mother and kill that motherly instinct that could lead you to live on the streets with your kids ..

That was the ugly truth I only came to fully grasp when after 14 years, my marriage was facing so much troubles and i was unhappy for so long, i was considering divorce ( oh, yes a taboo word a woman should not utter in a loud voice)..

And suddenly i was in my friend’s shoes, my once loving family suddenly turned into my worst enemies. All i kept hearing was words that put me down. Suddenly they all turned to concern trolls who kept asking me questions about how will i be able to live if i got the divorce. How will i pay for an apartment, for rent, for kids – how will I manage my time. Obstacles, obstacles! There was no shred of support.. even after telling them im so unhappy and miserable in my marriage i feel like I would die if i go back.. because of millions of reasons .. Not a single word of support even though i only asked for a temporary living place till i manage all the issues with the divorce..

They were pressuring me to go back- oh yes! Because they loved me and wanted what’s best for me and my kids!! Heheee… Yeah sure!

What it really was, was pure selfishness, they didn’t want to share responsibility of anything. They didn’t want to bother worrying about how im living with my kids, or maybe afraid I’d come around one day asking for money or some help with kids…

So.. I learned my lesson well! It was definitely a bitter one and it hurt a lot.. but that’s the only way to know people in your life.

When the going gets tough, you find out who is really there for you- all others who pretend to love you on your good days- just drop them off. You don’t need unnecessary baggage on your journey 😀

To my friend, I’m sorry I never understood all the pressure that led you to take that decision. I judged you never knowing how unfair my judgement was.

Stay Strong and keep Shining.. one day your children will also understand