I hadn’t ever thought i’d be writing a blog. My life had been pretty ordinary till a few years back. Im a Muslim Arab woman and I live in a somewhat open society, or so I thought. Up until I decided that like any human being I had a right to fight for my happiness, or to try and get myself out of a bad situation. Namely that bad situation was unfortunately my broken marriage.. i had three kids and oh God i have tried! I tried for my sake, i tried a lot more for theirs.. to keep their home intact and save them a broken family, I tried for years- yes, the nice way, the angry way, the sad and desperate way.. then the marriage counseling- yep! Once and yet again! Nothing seemed to work!
He wouldn’t, couldn’t change. And there I was losing myself. I watched myself turning into a different woman. One I didn’t like. I neglected myself, lost interest in everything, found little joy in whatever i did, had no more dreams.. even my kids who were the center of my world.. it was a struggle keeping up with their needs.
Im educated and smart, 🙈 humbly saying so, i knew i was depressed.
I can almost read what most of you are thinking right now, go out and work and find hobbies, go to a gym, meet out with your friends.. lolll yeah i did try those.
Work didn’t turn out well for reasons i’ll get to on another occasion..
Bottom line, i was unhappy and the fights were becoming a daily ritual unless i chose to just shut up for sake of peace.
I remember even saying to my friend, heck I could go to gym all day, and have lunch with my friends other days, will that make me go home to find a different person ? Nope! My husband will still be same person and nothing would have changed.
You go through all the phases and at one point I stopped trying to work things out.. it was useless, i started to look for a way out. Yes, it was the only way. I needed my old self back. I needed it for myself and for my kids, they deserved a happy mother that can listen to their problems and have energy to look after them.
Im not advocating divorce, don’t get me wrong! It’s the hardest thing a family can go through. Everybody suffers and mostly the children.
But in a situation like mine, it felt necessary – the fights and shouting were damaging. My kids were living in a war zone, in constant fear and I was struggling to keep up with their demands in this state i was in. Their perspective of a family, their idea of marriage were being destroyed.
I had to leave.
I just didn’t realize that our society, dressed up as being civilized and modern and open-minded, condemns women for asking to get out of a bad marriage. Even in worse cases, when husband was caught cheating it was still wrong to ask to be let go. What bad mother leaves her kids? Noooo, she had to stay for their sake and give up whatever years of her life she had left while the husband was enjoying himself and not being blamed because it was his right …
Seriously!!!
This blog is about women empowerment!
It’s about fighting for our simplest rights as human beings.. I don’t care if im being called whatever, i want my daughter to learn from my experience! I want her to stand tall and proud and not listen to all the controlling and discouraging talk from people who are stuck in a web of old traditions and customs.
I want to have more girls and women in future generations breaking free from chains that pull them back and stop them from achieving their dreams.
And if by writing this blog I could inspire even one girl to stand up for herself then I believe I’m on the right path😀😀